


Five Times They Skyped (And One Time They Met In Person)

by Magnetism_bind



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5 Times, Anal Sex, Childhood Friends, Dirty Talk, First Time, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Skype, Skype Sex, Unresolved Emotional Tension, internet issues, too many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 22:31:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: Steve tries to find out why Bucky's not ready to come back yet or the inevitable skype fic.





	Five Times They Skyped (And One Time They Met In Person)

 

 1.

Steve frowned at his phone. It kept cutting out and he wished, not for the first time, that he could just stop over in Wakanda instead of trying to talk to Bucky like this. But if just worked…if it just actually _worked,_ it would have been worth it _._ Anything would have been worth it.  

The screen stayed dark and he lowered it in defeat.

“Steve?”

He jerked the phone up again. “Bucky?”

“You sound great, but I can’t fucking see you.”

Steve felt the smile spreading over his face, wide and happy. “That’s pretty typical of Skype actually, from my experience.” It was just as well Bucky couldn’t see him right now. He probably looked like a sap.

Bucky made a growling noise. It was a familiar sound, frustrated, annoyed growl. Steve would have known it in his sleep. “Figures.”

There was a moment’s pause.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, I’m still here. “

“Okay, good.” Steve nodded, catching himself before he’d said something like ‘thought I lost you again there’ or something stupid like that.

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you mad at me for staying here?”

 

*  *  *

 

It had been a month. Just a month. T’Challa had contacted him to let Steve know that one of his team had figured out how to deprogram the triggers in Buck’s brain.

“They figured it out that quickly?” Not that Steve meant to be skeptical, but that fast? He’d been prepared for a long wait, not letting himself hope too much too fast. But here was T’Challa saying Bucky was good to go.

“She’s the best.”

Steve exhaled. “Okay, so…should I figure out a ride back for him or…” _Should I just come get him?_ That’s what he wanted to do.

“He’s not ready to leave yet.” T’Challa’s voice was very soft, as though he knew how this would seem to Steve. Of course he would know. He had been there when they had put Bucky under. He knew.

Steve bit back the question ( _Did he say why_ ) and said. “All right.”

Bucky needed this. It had only been a month after all. Steve had told himself that he would wait three months before going back to check on him again. At least. And now, what was he supposed to do? Just wait?

“I will encourage him to get in touch with you soon.” T’Challa promised and the call was over.

Steve looked at his phone and then carefully set it down.

 

*  *  *

 

On the rooftop of his current apartment he had hung up a punching bag for evening workouts. It helped some. Not as much as it could have, but some.

Tonight he stood there, letting it all fall away. Bucky hadn’t said he didn’t want to see him. He just wasn’t ready to come back.  Steve understood what that felt like, all too well. But…

His fists dove into the bag, blow after blow after blow until there was nothing but the breeze across the rooftop and the solid thud of the bag against his hands. It was late dusk when he finally stopped.

Steve let his breathing slow to normal. Bucky thought he would make him come back. That had to be the thought behind his decision. He thought about it and then texted T’Challa. _Tell him to take as much time as he needs. I’ll wait._

The next day T’challa had responded that he was getting Bucky set up with a messaging system and wanted to know what Steve was using these days. All Steve had come up with was Skype. He had been using Skype to keep in contact with the rest of the group. Might as well keep using it.

 

*  *  *

 

And now here they were, actually Skyping, albeit he couldn’t actually see Bucky. But he could hear him and that was a start.

He cleared his throat. “So how do you like Wakanda?”

“It’s pretty incredible. I haven’t seen much of the city yet but I’m going to get the grand tour from Shuri tomorrow.”

“Shuri…” Steve repeated the name. Bucky already met someone, flashed those big blue puppy eyes at someone else, and they had fallen head over heels. He was glad that Bucky couldn’t see his face right now. He’d have to work on schooling his features before they got the app updated. Bucky knew him too well.

“Yeah? T’Challa’s sister.”

“Oh.” He hadn’t known T’Challa had a sister.

“She’s the one who fixed me. I owe her.”

Steve swallowed. “We both do.”

Bucky snorted. “Man if I tell her that, coming from you, she’ll never let me forget it.”

“Tell her. I mean it.”

“Sure you say that now, but wait till she wants to see some stealth report of a day in the life of Captain America and then where will you be.” Bucky sounded frustrated.

“What?” Steve’s lost here. Why would some woman want to know how he spent his day?

“I’m kidding. She’s pretty great. Just you know, makes me like a hundred years old with all her energy.”

“Oh…well, that’s good. I guess.” He wasn’t sure what to say now. He imagined Bucky exploring a fantastic new city with a brilliant attractive scientist who had helped him heal. No wonder T’Challa had tried to warn him.

“Steve, what’s up?”

“What?”

“You sound funny.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

At least Bucky sounded like himself again. That was something. And he had Shuri to thank for it. Steve had to remember that. He took a deep breath. “I’m really glad she was able to help, Bucky. That’s all.”

There was a long enough silence that Steve wished he could see Bucky’s face again, just to know what he was thinking.

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“Shuri’s a kid, Steve.”

Steve closed his eyes. Yeah, it was really good Bucky couldn’t see his face right now. “Well, I’m sure she’ll enjoy showing you around the city.”

“Uh-huh.” Bucky sounded amused.

There was another pause. And now here they were, Bucky asking him if he was mad.

“No.” What else could say? He wasn’t mad. He was…sad. Ugh, and stuck in a children’s picture book rhyme about showing emotions apparently. Steve wasn’t mad, no he was sad, sad that his pal didn’t want to see him. See Steve be sad. No, he wasn’t mad. Mad was the last thing he was. He understood Bucky’s reluctance; he just missed him that was all. But he was _used_ to missing Bucky, and the thought of having him back, the hope of that was still new and raw and surreal so Steve dealt with it as best as he could.

“No, I’m not mad.” He said quietly. He didn’t have a follow-up to that though, so he waited, wishing he could see Bucky’s expression now, knew what he was thinking

“That’s it?”

Steve sighed. “I get why you don’t want to come back, Bucky. I do. It’s okay.”

There another long pause and again he wondered if the call had cut out.

“No, I don’t think you do.”” Bucky said finally.

There was a noise in the background like someone else talking. Steve didn’t recognize it.

“Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll…we’ll talk soon okay?”

“Okay.”

What else could he say?

 

 *  *  *

 

2.

The next few weeks passed. That was the most Steve could say. He hadn’t mentioned to Bucky that technically it wasn’t even safe for him to come back anyway. It wasn’t safe for any of them. They’d all get arrested if they were caught. It didn’t stop him from doing what he set out to do - help – but admittedly it did hinder the process. And that rankled a little. He’d see Tony in the news and it just irritated him, while also not easing the sadness. He kept hoping Tony would call, that they could fix this mess between them, but he still didn’t see how that was possible.

So it was probably for the best that Bucky didn’t even want to come back right now. Not if Steve couldn’t protect him, not if he couldn’t even offer him a safe place to go. Wakanda was better. Who wouldn’t want to stay in Wakanda?

He said as much to Nat when they touched base.

“Are you shitting me, Rogers?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re antsy, waiting for him to come back, just give in, Steve. Call him back and make plans. Work something out.”

Steve sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

“You’re the one complicating things.” Nat said quietly and ended it.

 

 *  *  *

 

The second call woke Steve from sleep. He fumbled his face out of the pillow and reached for his phone.

Belatedly his brain realized it was a skype call, not a phone call, not an alert, not anything that he necessarily had to worry about.

“‘Lo?”

 “Steve?” 

“Bucky?” He sat up, glancing at the phone. He could see a vague outline this time, but it was still dark. Was it night there? “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m here, I’m still in Wakanda.” There was a faint noise and Steve strained to figure out what it was. Like Bucky had bumped into the wall, slumping against it maybe?

“I thought I got the screen working but it’s still too dark to see you.” Bucky sounded plaintive. “I just wanna see you.”

Steve sat up further. “Bucky…are you drunk?”

Bucky chuckled and the sound eased away the remaining worries in Steve’s gut. Nothing was wrong. He was used to how Bucky was after a few beers, his affection expanded, the way he slung an arm around Steve, the warmth of his chest as he held him close. All of that was familiar.

“I miss you.” Bucky exhaled. “I miss you so much.”

Steve’s gut clenched with longing. “I miss you too.” He held back the ‘come home, come home to me.’ He wanted to say it so badly but Bucky didn’t need to hear that if he wasn’t ready. It wouldn’t help anything.

“I wanna see you, but I can’t.” There was a catch to Bucky’s breath like he’s holding back a sob and god, now Steve knew something’s wrong. What the fuck could make Bucky close to tears? He’d only seen Bucky cry a handful of times.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is. You can see me when you’re ready.” 

“You don’t understand.”

“So tell me.” Steve waited and then there was the softest sound of a sigh.

“I can’t.”

The call ended and Steve was left alone in the dark.

 

 *  *  *

 

3.

He gave Bucky a day to sober up and then he called. The connection was good this time and he just blurted out the question, “What the hell was that last call about?”

It was almost too much actually seeing Bucky’s face now. He looked so good, a feast for Steve’s eyes. 

His hair was longer, he was actually growing a beard out this time. His eyes…Steve’s expression softened as he gazed at Bucky’s eyes. God, he loved Bucky’s eyes.

Bucky just glanced away, avoiding Steve’s gaze. “Come on, Steve. I was just drunk and you know, thinking about Brooklyn.”

“It felt like more than that.” Steve didn’t want to push but he wanted to know if there was something wrong. He needed to know what’s going on with Bucky.

“Talk to me, Bucky.”

“That’s the problem. I could always talk to you.”

“How is that a problem?” Steve couldn’t understand the frustration in Bucky’s voice.

“Before…It was easy. And now, it’s like, I don’t know…I don’t have a filter anymore when it comes to you, all the walls I had built up are just gone. And I don’t know how to deal with that. So it’s easier to just stay away until I figure out how to build ‘em again.”

“Walls guarding what?”

“Steve…I couldn’t. Handle all the…” Bucky said softly. “Stuff I wasn’t ready to face. Cause facing it might mean losing you.”

Steve gripped the phone so hard his palm was sweating. He wanted to speak, but he didn’t want to interrupt Bucky. He wasn’t sure what the right move is here but Bucky just kept going.

“Before it didn’t matter, I had everything in control and then they just fucked with my brain and I thought I’d lost you. I didn’t fully remember you for so long, but you were never really gone either. You were there in patches, but still always there. Steve, I should be glad that it’s still there but if it means losing you, I just don’t know.”

“What’s still there?” Steve said when Bucky went quiet finally.

“That I love you.”

It was so matter-of-fact, so familiar that Steve just nodded. “Well yeah, I love you too, Buck.”

“Not like that.” Bucky’s voice dropped even softer. “Not _just_ like that. Cause you are my best friend, Steve, you’ll always be my best friend, as long as you want to be, but it’s not just that. It’s...it’s…I’m in love with you too.”

Steve sank down to sit on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone. “That’s what you were afraid to tell me, why you didn’t want to come back?”

“Well…” Bucky shifted. “Yeah.”

Steve was torn between laughing and crying with relief. He didn’t know which one was better or worse but a strangled sound made it out of him all the same.

“Steve?” Bucky looked at him worriedly. “Say something, will you?”

“I just…” Steve rubbed his thumb at his forehead, figuring out how to phrase this. “I’ll always want you to be my best friend, Buck.” He couldn’t help pausing at the way Bucky’s face looked when he said those words, relief, followed by quick, fluttering loss.

“But that doesn’t stop me from wanting something else too.” Steve finished.

Bucky’s head jerked back up. “You mean that?”

“Yeah.” Steve couldn’t help smiling at him. “Bucky, I’ve loved you since before I was old enough to have an idea what love meant, and I used to…wish like crazy that I was brave enough to tell you, but things were good enough between us, and then you went into the army and I couldn’t risk you getting into trouble because of me being stupid and telling you in a letter.” Even though he had wanted to tell him all the goddamn time.

Bucky just started laughing, and the sound send a thrill of happiness through Steve’s body.

“Well, I guess we have something to thank those fucking scientists for.”

“Oh?”

“We could have made it into our seventies all on our own and never said anything. At least now-“ Bucky cut himself off at another sound in the background. “Shit, I gotta go. I promised I’d train with Shuri.”

He looked back at Steve. “We good?”

“Yeah.” Steve smiled. “We’re good.”

The call ended and he stood there, just looking at his phone.

“I like to think we could have figured it out eventually on our own.” Steve said quietly to the dark screen. But who knows, maybe Bucky was right? Maybe they would have gone their whole lives without telling each other?

 

*  *  *

 

4.

It was late when Steve called this time.

He had just kept running over what Bucky had said, that Bucky loved him. He’d made it through the day barely able to keep from smiling. Even when Nat called he just kept smiling.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

’Something’s up.

”I’m just feeling good, that’s all.”

“Bullshit, you heard from Bucky.”

“Yeah.”

“Knew it.”

Steve just grinned.

 *  *  *

 

Still maybe Bucky had meant he cared about Steve, loved him sure, but he didn’t want to be _together_. Just because you loved someone didn’t mean that you wanted to be in a relationship, or that it was the right thing for both of you.

Still, he had to know. He paced as he waited for the call to connect.

“Hey Steve.” Bucky grinned up at him.

“Hey.” Steve was both instantly relieved and embarrassed for worrying.  What was he even afraid of?

“Something wrong?” Bucky asked, immediately concerned, watching him through the screen.

“Are we dating?” Steve blurted out.

Bucky just stared at him.

“It’s just...we left things…you know.”

“Do you wanna date?” There was a curious tentative note to Bucky’s voice that made Steve both want to blush and grin at the same time.

“Yeah,” he said, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Good, cause I definitely already told both Shuri and T’Challa that we were.”

“You did what?”

“Relax. They think I’ve got excellent taste.” Bucky grinned at him. “So boyfriend…”

“God, that makes us sound a little…” All of a sudden it felt ridiculous, trying something like this at their age. Whatever their age meant now.

“Hey Steve, don’t overthink it.”

“You’re the one who didn’t tell me how they felt, you’re a fine one to tell me not to overthink it.” Steve informed him.

Bucky just rolled his eyes. “All right, no boyfriend.”

“Do you think this is stupid, trying something new at our age.”

“What are you talking about? People get married in their 70’s all the time nowadays.”

Steve couldn’t help chucking at that. “Was that your idea of a proposal?”

Bucky snorted. “If you’re thinking we’re getting married before we sleep together, than you’re even more old-fashioned than your reputation, Rogers.”

“Hardly.” Steve told him. “But if you wanna change that, you kinda have to be in the same country at least.” He couldn’t help teasing Bucky just a little.

“Not technically.” Bucky said and then flushed a little.

Steve cocked his head. “Is that right?”

“You never had Skype sex before?” Bucky grinned at him.

“Considering the previous people I’ve Skyped with are all members of my team, not exactly.”

“I’m a member of your team.” Bucky remarked.

“Yeah, you’re the exception.” Steve lowered his voice even though he was in his own apartment and there was no one around to hear him.

“So...if I were there…what would you do?” Bucky said. Steve watched as he stretched out on his bed. The sheets were a deep warm purple and Bucky rested against the pillow, looking at him. “Well?” Bucky prompted after Steve had just been quiet a little too long.

“For starters, I’d probably get your shirt off.” It seemed like a good place to start and he remembered summer days after they’d run through the park, sweating up a storm, the way Bucky would just casually peel his shirt off to mop his face. Yeah, Steve had enjoyed summertime.

Bucky cocked his head. “Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Bucky set his phone aside for a moment and reached for his shirt. He pulled it up over his head and then suddenly Steve was confronted by his bare chest. His dick instantly showed interest. Whatever appeal Bucky had had when they were younger, it was something else now, something finer. Bucky was a little conscious of the joint where shoulder and metal arm met, and yeah it was a little disconcerting if you weren’t used to it. Steve was used to it now. It was just part of Bucky.

“I’d work my way down your chest.” Steve said, gazing at Bucky’s chest. His hair had grown by then as well, after all the years of Hydra controlling that too. He imagined running his fingers through the slight fuzz there, swirling his tongue around Bucky’s nipples, watching Bucky’s eyes darken.

“Then what?”

“Then I’d kiss a straight line down your chest to your stomach, right to the top of your jeans.” His gaze paused there as he considered that particular area. Bucky’s stomach was taut and lean. Steve imagined running his fingertips along there, just feeling the fine hair along Bucky’s stomach, leading into the darker trail downward.

There was a hitch of Bucky’s breath when he spoke. “Then what?”

“Then I’d get your zipper down and tease the head of your cock with my tongue through your briefs until you beg.” Steve said. “And get you so you’re completely rock hard. Are you ready for that, Buck?”

“Jesus.” Bucky shook his head. “Am I ready for that? Are you kidding me?”

“What’s the matter?” Steve heard the teasing tone in his voice. “You impatient or something?

“Yeah.” Bucky breathed hard though his nose. “Come on already.”

“You can do better than that.” Steve said softly.

Bucky shuddered and then said, “Please Steve, I just want you to touch me.”

“Touch you how?” Steve pressed, his own dick was tenting the front of his briefs now. The thought of doing things to Bucky already working on him. God, if only Bucky were here in person, he’d have his hands all over him.

“Want you to touch me.” Bucky said, his voice low and warm like he couldn’t keep this out of his mind, lust spilled over into his voice. “Need your mouth on me.” Bucky’s hand slipped out of sight.

Steve raised his eyebrow. “Are you touching yourself?” Had he really done that to Bucky? After all the years of Bucky having an effect on him, just by looking at him. His eyes alone sent a rush through Steve’s body. All this time and here he was, having the same effect on Bucky.

“Please.” Bucky breathed.

“Okay.”  Steve allowed. “But you don’t come until.”

“Until you say so.” Bucky finished.

Steve leaned back. “Let me see you.”

Bucky hesitated and then moved his phone so Steve had a full view of the bed he was stretched out on. He was still in his loose cotton pants, that did nothing to hide how aroused he was. The thickness of him filled the front of them. Steve was mesmerized.

“Take your dick out.” Steve said, sitting back.  His own cock throbbed as Bucky obeyed, getting himself out of his pants.

Steve stared at it in understated enjoyment. He’d seen Bucky’s dick before. They’d pissed together, washed together, swam together, but this time he was allowed to let himself cherish every inch of Bucky, to really look at him.  The wiry brown hair at Bucky’s groin, the slim thickness of his cock. Steve loved every single inch of him.

“Take your pants all the way off. I want to see you naked.”

Bucky did, stretching back out on the bed again. His cock was flushed, hard and ready, and Steve could imagine how it would feel in his hand, in his mouth, inside him. He stifled a groan, the pleasurable weight of it on his tongue.

“Stroke your cock.” He ordered.

“Tell me what you’d do.” Bucky said back, taking his dick in his hand.

“I’d start slow.” Steve said hoarsely. “Take my time, lick all the way down you.” He watched Bucky’s fingers stroking himself. “Flicking my tongue against the slit, teasing the fuck out of you, making you sweat.” He’d dreamed of this so often, it was easy to speak of.

“Jesus, Steve.” Bucky panted. “If America could hear you now.”

“Let them.” Steve leaned forward. “I’m not ashamed of a single thing I’m doing here. I’d take you deeper and then, just when your balls tighten up, I’d drag my tongue off, leaving you waiting, to go back to working that slit, before licking all the way around and right up under to your balls. So sensitive.”

Bucky moaned, his thumb slipped down to rub around the head of his cock. Steve watched him, mesmerized by the sight.

“I’d tease your balls just right, teasing ‘em with my knuckles.”

 Bucky uttered that breathy noise again. the one that made Steve’s cock strain desperately towards him.

His stomach tightened. “Steve, I’m gonna.”

“Not until I say so.” Steve said firmly. His holding the line where it was and not budging was worth it when Bucky groaned in frustration, pressing his head back against the pillow as he panted, his eyes half closed as he did.

“Jesus, Steve, you’re killing me.”

“And then just when you’re ready to come, I’d ease my finger inside you, and tease you open till your hole was ready for me.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped open. He focused on Steve with fresh intensity that made Steve lick his lips. “You like this, don’t you? Driving me crazy?”

“It’s only fair,” Steve pointed out. “You drove me crazy for years.”

Bucky snorted. “Well, your turn.” He sat up, reaching for the phone, bringing it down so Steve could a full view of his crotch. “You like that.”

“What am I supposed to say?” Steve murmured. “Yeah, I do.”

Bucky stroked himself, rubbing his hand over his length, drawing himself to full hardness. He was making that panting noise again.

“I wanna see your face.”

Bucky shifted the phone again and there he was. His face was flushed, his lip caught between his teeth as he jerked himself off. “Steve…I wanna be with you.”

“Soon.” Steve promised. “Soon.”

Bucky groaned deep in his throat. “Steve. Please.”

“Okay.” Steve said.

“Okay, just like that.” Bucky panted.

“Yeah, just like that.” Steve grinned.

Bucky’s hand sped up, and then his body jerked, shuddering faintly. He slumped backwards against the pillow with a gasp. Steve drank in the sight of him, the flush still lingering on his cheeks, heat in his chest, the sight of Bucky wiping his hand on his sheet with a disgruntled look.

“Should remembered you had a dirty mouth.” Bucky shook his head and looked at him.

“You’re the one who forgot.” Steve said matter-of-factly.

 

*  *  *

 

5.

The rain was battering down upon the roof. Steve lay there on his bed unable to sleep. It was late, but he just couldn’t drift off. His mind felt restless and he wanted to see Bucky again. The last week had been busy. They had texted a few times, but tonight, he just couldn’t shake the need to see him.

So he reached for his phone and called. And then immediately hung up. What was he doing?

His phone buzzed. He knew it was Bucky before he even looked at it.

“Steve, what’s wrong?” Bucky peered up at him, concern in his eyes.

 “I just…I can’t sleep.” It sounded pathetic when he said it aloud. He’d been asleep for seventy years, and now he couldn’t sleep? But the truth was, it took a while. After a fight he could manage it no problem, after working out it was easier, sure. But on nights where nothing had happened, when the night was too still and his body felt heavy and his mind too busy to sleep, it seemed impossible.

“You want me to talk to you?”

“Yeah.” Steve exhaled. “That would be good.”

He nestled back down on the bed, wrapping an arm around the pillow as Bucky talked.  He talked about Brooklyn and Steve could see it again in the dark, the streets where they had run and played, the movie theaters they’d snuck into, breathing in the scent of popcorn as the lights flickered on the screen, the kitten Steve had found once and brought home, getting Bucky to help him persuade his mom to let him keep it, the long afternoons of school and the sweltering summer days, sneaking into the library to hide in the cool air, drinking in all the books and all the promises they held. All that time together, all those memories slipped through Steve’s mind like a slow warm bath, helping him relax. He closed his eyes and let Bucky’s voice wash over him until finally he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

 

*  *  *

 

1.

Steve rocked slightly on the balls of his feet as the jet headed for the invisible barrier. He’d felt antsy ever since they took off. Nope, that was a lie. Since before. Since T’Challa had casually told him that he should come for a visit. And Steve had responded by asking ‘So that means Bucky’s ready?” and T’Challa had said “He told me to tell you.”

Which had simply led to Steve messaging Bucky, asking _are you sure?_

A whole two hours passed which had Steve out jogging on the streets, trying to kill the running fear inside him that T’Challa had told him because he wanted him to come and not Bucky, and Bucky had been faking this whole thing.

He was home and showering before his phone buzzed. Steve had grabbed it so quickly he had dropped his towel. So he stood there in the bathroom, water running down his chest, grinning at his phone like an idiot as he read Bucky’s message again.

_Get your ass here already._

 

 *  *  *

 

So here he was. And Bucky was waiting there, and…and…Steve didn’t know what came next. He wasn’t sure if Bucky was _really_ ready to come back and join the team. He supposed he’d find that out soon enough. That didn’t stop his stomach from feeling jumpy as heck

Nat just gave him a look.

“What?”

“Haven’t seen you this nervous since the last time you were on his trail.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m not on his trail this time. I’m going for a visit.”

“Yeah. After you’ve been apart for nearly seventy years, he’s been in and out of cryo and you’re only now getting your act together and finally going out.” Nat bumped his shoulder. “It’s okay to be nervous, Steve.”

He took a deep breath, and reminded himself that what she said was true. “I just…don’t want to regret this. I don’t want him to regret this.” He wasn’t sure he could bear that. If Bucky took a look at him and decided he’d made a mistake. Not only did he not want to date Steve, but he didn’t want him anywhere in his life now that he had that life again.

“You’re not gonna regret it.” Nat bumped his shoulder again reassuringly. “You’re gonna meet up, you’re gonna talk for a while, and then you’re going to have some awkward sex-“

“Nat.”

“And some awkward conversation, and then you’re going to have better sex and everything’s going to go okay.”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really hope you’re right about that.”

“Which, about the sex?”

“Please stop talking about sex.”

“You do know how-“

“For the love of god, Natasha, shut up.”

 

*  *  *

 

Bucky stood there waiting on the tarmac as the jet swooped down to land. Steve felt his breath leave him, like his body was soaring off on its own. Slowly his heart settled down in his chest. Bucky was waiting for him.

The rest passed in a blur. The jet landed, the doors opened, the ramp lowered. Steve was there waiting as soon as it touched down. He walked evenly across the tarmac, for about half a moment, then he was running. He didn’t care who was watching, who was judging, who was doing fuckall. Bucky was back, Bucky was waiting for him.

He saw Bucky break into a smile as he started moving to meet him, and then Steve’s arms were around him, and he held Bucky close, breathing in his scent.

“It’s been too long.” Bucky breathed.

“You’re telling me.” Steve finally pulled back so he could look at Bucky, with his hair pulled back, wearing a loose shirt and pants. He looked better though not entirely relaxed.

Bucky looked at him and the smile spread across his face again. “Come on, let me show you around Wakanda.”

For the first time Steve looked around just in case anyone was watching. There was no one else out there. Nat was already gone.

“We don’t need to-“

Bucky shook his head. “T’Challa expects us for the big banquet tomorrow, but till then we’re good.”

“Okay then.”  Steve nodded.

 

*  *  *

 

By showing him Wakanda, Bucky apparently meant showing him off to a field with rolling hills and meadows and a few goats roaming around. Steve raised an eyebrow as Bucky led him over to the hut tucked away in the corner.

“This is what you wanted to show me?”

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded. “This is where I’ve been staying. Don’t get me wrong, I like the city, but out here.” He shrugged. “It’s more peaceful. I like the quiet.”

“It’s nice.” Steve nodded appreciatively. He could see what Bucky meant about it being peaceful.

He ducked a look inside the hut. Three cushion seats around a low table. A wide bed with a welcoming coverlet, a bookshelf. It looked pleasant, homey. Bucky was at home here. A pang shot through his chest. How could he ask Bucky to leave somewhere that was good for him? How could he even think of doing that after everything Bucky had been through? He should just go and leave him in peace.

“And over here.” Bucky gestured to the hills beyond, “That’s…Steve?”

“Yeah?” Steve nodded automatically. Trying to focus on what Bucky was saying, and not just how good it felt to hear him say his name. That was just plain selfish, but he couldn’t help it.

Bucky just paused and crossed his arms over his chest. “What is it?”

“I just…hadn’t realized how much you’d made yourself at home here.” Steve forced a smile. “It’s good. I can see why you’d want to stay.”

Bucky just nodded, looking down, his boot dug into the soft grass at his feet. His teeth had sunk into his lower lip in that way he had, the way when he was thinking over something and was going to say something Steve wasn’t going to necessarily like.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” He said finally. “Me staying here.”

This wasn’t how Steve wanted it to go. This wasn’t what he wanted to do.

“I want you to be happy.”

Bucky nodded again. “So, tell me what you want.”

“Bucky-”

“Just for once, tell me what you want.”

Steve took a deep breath and released it. “Fine. I want…to not be apart from you any longer. If this, between us, is gonna last…I want to be with you.”

“Gonna last.” Bucky repeated. “Gonna?” He started laughing. “Have you looked at us? I don’t think there’s any way it’s gonna end until one of us dies.”

“Don’t say that.” The words whipped out of Steve like a bullet.

Bucky looked startled, watching him.

“I’m not losing you again.” This time the words were quieter, but Steve felt them resonate throughout his body, letting them linger in the air between them. He looked down at his hands, trying to resist reaching out and holding on to him, trying to keep hold of him. He couldn’t lose Bucky again.

Bucky’s hands stole into his, as Bucky moved closer.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

Bucky squeezed Steve’s hands until finally he looked up and met Bucky’s gaze. “One way or another, I’m always going to be with you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means sometimes I’m gonna need a break, I might need to come back here, But as long as we have phones, I don’t see a problem.”

“Real sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Bucky grinned. “I figured something out.”

“Oh? And what’s that?”

“Underneath all this muscle.” His hand traveled to rest lightly on Steve’s broad chest. “You’re that same dumbass kid from Brooklyn you’ve always been, aren’t you?”

“You knew that before…” Steve said slowly. Didn’t he? Bucky’s hand was warm through his shirt. He wanted to hold on to them.

“Steve, we’ve barely had any time since I got my head together, since I stopped trying to kill you. And yeah, I wanted you to be the same, but it was selfish, not wanting you to have changed, to still need me to protect you, cause if I don’t…what good am I?”

“Bucky-“

Bucky cut him short. “I said I figured something out.” He leaned in closer, looking up at Steve with that matter-of-fact look he always got before he told Steve not to do something stupid. Was this always the way it would be? Remembering the past even as the present was happening? Would he never be able to just be with Bucky _now?_

“I don’t have to protect you. But I want to. The choice is there. Wherever we go, we’re still together because whatever’s out there…the universe, fate, whatever the fuck it is…I think we’re meant to be.”

“Really?” Steve said skeptically before he could stop himself. They had never used to talk like that. Was this Bucky’s way of saying even if they weren’t together, they’d always be connected? He wasn’t sure he could bear that either. That was a lie. He’d bear anything just to see Bucky, to be near him. Anything at all was better than nothing.

“You’re thinking this is what being out in the fresh air and the goats makes me think, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little.” Steve acknowledged. They were standing here in the middle of the fucking beautiful scenery with the whole of it stretching out before them. It could make anyone think about destiny a little.

“I don’t care. How else do you explain our lives?”

“Technology. The way science is used for both good and bad purposes.”

“Wow.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Okay, look…”

He jerked his head for Steve to follow him over to stand under a tree with spreading branches. There in the shade Steve could see the spires of the city in the distance. He turned his head and saw Bucky watching him.

“You really do love me, don’t you?” Bucky murmured, brushing a hand through his hair.

“Do you have to ask?”

“Yeah. I do. Cause if we do this, it’ll change stuff, and I wanna make sure that’s worth it, before we do anything we regret.”

“Didn’t we already cross that line with the skyping?” Steve asked. _When I told you to touch yourself and you did it? When I made you come?_

Bucky inclined his head in agreement. “That’s…something yeah. But I think we could go back to the way things were, if that’s what you wanted.”

“Is that what you want?” Steve asked softly. This path of questioning felt familiar and new all at once. They could go back…couldn’t they? And yet, he didn’t think so. The crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the gentle shaped curve of his mouth as he looked back at Steve.

“No.”

Steve waited, just standing there as he listened to the breeze in the branches above them.

“I want you.” Bucky said clearly. “I could go on, but that’s what it really comes down to. I want you. I want to be with you. I love you, Steve. I always have. I always will.”

Steve leaned in and kissed him. They leaned backward against the tree, Bucky’s back resting against the bark as his hands went to hold Steve’s hips, pulling him closer. Steve’s breath hitched as Bucky’s thumbs stroked his hipbones.

He said everything with his tongue that he hadn’t said aloud yet: _I can’t go back, I want you every way I can have you. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you. I love you I love you I love you._

Bucky’s breathing grew more ragged. His hands gripped Steve’s hips harder. He sucked needily on Steve’s tongue and it went straight to Steve’s dick. He leaned into Bucky like he was drowning and met an answering hardness.

“Steve.” Bucky groaned. “You’re killing me.”

“That wouldn’t do.” Steve whispered. He grazed Bucky’s lip, catching it with his teeth. Bucky whimpered and that sound, oh god, the _sounds_ Bucky made, that Steve drew out of him. He wanted to hear Bucky come; he wanted to make Bucky come.

He drew back, realizing his hands were wrapped in Bucky’s shirt, finally letting himself hold on like he wanted to.

“We should go inside unless you wanna…”

“I just wanna fuck you.” Bucky sounded breathless and drunk, like he couldn’t get enough of Steve.

“So,” Steve pulled at his hand. “What’re you waiting for?”

 

*  *  *

 

They backed into the hut, and then they were kissing again, hands all over each other, but it felt like moving in slow motion. It was Steve’s turn to feel drunk. He breathed in Bucky’s scent, spread his hands over Bucky’s body and felt Bucky’s hands on him in return. Bucky tugging his shirt off, Bucky biting at his collarbone, sucking hungrily at the curve of his shoulder. Bucky laughing over the scratch of Steve’s beard on his skin.

Steve hit the bed, Bucky settling between his legs. He leaned down to lick a stripe down Steve’s dick. “I want to fuck you.” He sounded possessive, hungry, uncertain, all at once, like he wasn’t sure how Steve would react.

“You know I want that too.” Steve’s hands cupped his ass, pulling Bucky atop him. “Come on, Bucky.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

He expected further hesitancy, more assurances, instead Bucky rolled off and went over to the small shelf in the corner of the room.

Steve propped himself up on his elbow, watching him. “Don’t tell me you keep lube down here.”

“It’s been a long month.” Bucky threw over his shoulder.

He came back to the bed with the lube, returning to between Steve’s thighs. “I love how big you are.” He said matter-of-factly, slicking his fingers. There was a moment of hesitation again, there, and Steve nodded his head.

“Come on, Buck.”

He pressed a finger inside Steve, and Steve inhaled at the feeling of Bucky touching him like that.

“I mean. I like this upgrade.”

Steve snorted and then groaned as Bucky curled his finger.

“But if I’m honest, I always wanted to fuck you. Even back when you were just a fucking little stick of a kid, all skin and bones and asthma.”

“Thanks.” Steve groaned again.

“I mean it.” Bucky slipped another finger inside him.

“So…”

“So what.”

“So tell me how it would have gone back then.” Steve watched his eyes as Bucky leaned over him.

“It would have been after one of those fights you were always getting yourself into.” Bucky’s head was tilted, entirely focused on stretching Steve open. His movements were careful, practiced. Who else had he done this with, who had he fucked. Who, who, who, rattled at Steve’s head. He was suddenly blindingly hard and jealous all in one rush of blurred emotion.

“I would have picked off the idiots that were going after you, sent them running. Then I would have taken you home, cleaned up, washed the blood off your mouth.” He leaned up with his other hand, brushing his thumb over Steve’s mouth, pressing it into the corner of his lips. “Woulda done that, and then you’d have gotten that look in your eye. That look that said you were tough enough to handle anything on your own, that you didn’t need me.” His thumb stroked the crease of Steve’s mouth affectionately. “But you let me do it anyway. And I loved that about you. I loved you. When you were a kid, when you were skin and bones, when you were a dumbass teen, when you were a skinny tough ass man, and now this.” His hand slid down to splay over Steve’s chest. “All of you. I love you. All of you, no matter how you are. I will always love you, Steve Rogers.”

His fingers slipped free and he leaned over Steve to kiss him. “Now tell me how much you want me to fuck you.”

“You have no fucking idea how much.” Steve breathed. He reached for Bucky’s head, pulling him down for another kiss. “Come on, Buck.”

“Yessir, Captain.”

Steve groaned in amusement, annoyance, hell he didn’t know, and then he gasped as the head of Bucky’s dick breached him, slipping through the tight rim of muscle. He tried to relax, but oh god, the pressure, the tightness, the slow heat pooling in his belly. He wanted all of it, all of Bucky, right the fuck now.

“Tell me if I’m going too fast.”

“I need.” Steve breathed. “I need... _more_.” _I need you._

A slow smile spread over Bucky’s face. “Think I can handle that.”

He thrust into Steve slow and sure and the heat building up inside Steve threatened to explode all over his body. He grabbed at Bucky’s ass, hauling him closer, wrapping his legs around Bucky as they fucked.

He’d imagined this, of course he had, but nothing in his imagination had prepared him for how it actually felt to be touching Bucky like this, being this close to him, Bucky’s chest against his, Bucky’s hands holding him, Bucky’s mouth on his nipples. Steve’s body was on fire, but that nothing to how his brain felt. He was consumed by the past and present, all of it mixing together and the way Bucky held him, the way Bucky touched him, he knew Bucky felt the same.

Bucky’s lips grazed his jaw as he slowed his pace.

“Why’re you slowing down?” Steve managed. He had too many things he wanted to say, and they all sounded like he had read one of those paperback romances in a drugstore, like he wanted to impress Bucky, he was so high on everything between them, he never wanted to come down, but his heart was pounding and his dick was so hard and Bucky was slowing down.

“I want it to last.” Bucky said simply.

Steve groaned. “Are you kidding me?”

Bucky grinned then and it hit Steve this was on purpose.

“You’re doing this on purpose.”

“Yeah, maybe I am.” Bucky reached up to pin his wrists above his head as he rocked his hips and Steve groaned again at the slick thrust of his cock inside him. “Maybe it’s my turn to be the little punk here and show you how fucking crazy you used to drive me.”

“I never did this.” Steve panted. “Never made you wait like this. Never got the chance.”

“But you would have.” Bucky pointed out. “if you had gotten it.”

And obviously Steve couldn’t deny that. It was exactly the sort of thing he would have done.

He looked up at Bucky, smiling at him, and Bucky just shook his head, leaning down to kiss him, murmuring. “You asshole.”

It had been a long time coming, this moment, but being here, feeling Bucky’s mouth smiling against his, but all Steve knew was that it was worth it.

 

*  *  *

 

Steve exhaled, resting an arm behind his head. The hut smelled like sweat and sex and he never wanted it to end. Bucky rolled over and placed a hand over his stomach. slowly, like they hadn’t drained each other completely less than twenty minutes ago, he started kissing his way down Steve’s chest.

“What’re you up to now?” Steve asked, amused.

Bucky mouthed a kiss to his hip, and then started sucking a hickey into the curve. “I want you to fuck me this time, so come on and hurry it up.”

“Hurry it up?”

“Yeah.” Bucky sank down between Steve’s thighs, grinning at him. “What good is being a super soldier if your dick can’t get hard again quicker than the average guy?”

“You know, I don’t think that was a high priority in the program.”

“Well, it should have been.” Bucky kissed along the flat of Steve’s stomach.

Steve just laughed.

 

*  *  *

 

When he was hard again, and it was soon enough, he watched as Bucky positioned himself over his dick.

“Thought about this a lot, haven’t you?”

Bucky just looked at him. “Are you telling me you haven’t?”

Steve shook his head. He steadied Bucky’s hips as Bucky rode him, Bucky’s face flushed, his eyes focused.

“I’ve thought of you so many times.” Steve murmured, watching Bucky respond to the words. “You’re in my head, and there’s no getting you out even if I wanted to.”

He leaned up, clasping Bucky to him, holding Bucky firmly in his lap as he thrust harder into him.

Bucky groaned. “Only fair.” He panted. “You’ve been in my head all along.” He clasped Steve’s face, gazing into his eyes. “You’re the only thing I always remember.”

He kissed Steve like it was the first time, hesitant, taking it slow, and then his breath caught, and his body trembled and Steve kissed him harder, kissed him through Bucky shooting all over his chest, and then he rolled them over, gazing down at Bucky.

Bucky’s hand slid up his hip. “Come on, Steve. I want you to come inside me.”

Steve responded by sliding home again. Bucky reached for him and then they were kissing in time with his thrusts and Bucky bit at his throat, growling low in his throat as he held on to Steve. Whatever came next, whatever they chose do next, they’d done this, and they couldn’t go back.

As he felt the familiar rush of pleasure overtake him, feeling Bucky’s mouth on his skin, Steve knew he never wanted to.

 

*  *  *

 

He rolled over and stared at the wall a moment, and then he felt the weight of Bucky against his back. Steve turned his head and looked at him. Slowly he lifted a hand to brush through Bucky’s hair resting over his forehead.

Was this what it could be? Being together? Some combination of the past and the future together? Waking up with Bucky and touching him and knowing he wasn’t going to just disappear again? Bucky was lying right there beside him and Steve still wasn’t sure he believed that. Not altogether.

Bucky murmured something and his eyelids fluttered open. He looked at Steve sleepily.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Steve murmured back.

“Coffee?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded. Bucky leaned in and kissed his mouth before rolling to sit up. He was wearing nothing at all and Steve admired everything, before Bucky pulled on a shirt and his pants.

Bucky went over to the coffeemaker in the corner and started it.

“Trying to get away from it all, but you still have a coffeemaker?” Steve sat up.

“I am never going anywhere without coffee again.” Bucky told him.

“Good to know.” Steve dug around at the bottom of the bed and found his own t-shirt. He pulled it on and stood up, grabbing his shorts.

He went to stand in the doorway. The sun was slowly rising over Wakanda; the dawn was breathtaking. He wondered for a moment if he was simply dreaming all of this.

Bucky came to stand beside him.

“I’m going to miss this place.”

“You don’t have to come with me.”

“I’ll come back here.” Bucky said as though he hadn’t heard him. “T’Challa says the hut is here for whenever I need it.”

“He’s very generous.”

Bucky shrugged. “Yeah.” He turned to face Steve. “So when are we heading out?”

“Are you sure?” Steve couldn’t help asking again.

“Steve…haven’t we been apart long enough?”

“When you put it like that.” Steve started and then Bucky leaned in to kiss him. His hands cupped Steve’s face as they kissed. His touch steady and reassuring, his kiss invigorating and arousing. Steve could think of a hundred memories of being touched by Bucky and now it was all that he wanted.

“Wherever you are, is home.” Bucky whispered and all Steve could do was kiss him again. Because it was true. They were home.

 


End file.
